Mom: *Comes into room & give me kiss on cheek*
Me: Hiiiiii Mom!
Mom: What am I doing still giving a 22 year old kisses?!
Me: Soooo what!!! Don’t ever stop!
Mom: *Proceeds to give me a million more kisses*
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Love you MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The sun is shining through my blinds, rejuvenating my body, my mind, my soul- lots, & lots of Vitamin D (as mom would say.)
And as much as I don’t want to get up for work, it is my duty to make everyday as fulfilling as possible.
No idle time.
Go make something to eat, shower, & grace the outside world with my presence.
Be easy- never cheesy :p
-Millzy.
I’m having a hard time with this happening. *Laughs out loud*
It’s like, everyone wants to fall in love, including myself. I got these guys, dique “men,” that throw the word around, they say they mean it (not that I don’t believe them), & yet- when I feel like I should be at that level with them too, the feeling just isn’t mutual.
I heard you just know it…… when you’re falling for someone. I guess you get brain farts, all gassy, right? Shit like that? I guess. I mean, looking back at all my “relationships,” I can honestly & whole-heartly say that I’ve been in love ONCE, with my first. Every guy after him was a relationship that I wished was my first one but fell short to it (which I’ve learned to be grateful for as the years went on.)
Anyhow- yes, the feeling isn’t mutal. And I don’t know, I’m guessing it’s because I’ve just changed. I’m not the 110% naive (still naive by nature even at the age of 22, & I’m pretty sure til I die) girl in high school that little heart fluttered at the sound of the words, “love you,” so quickly, so eagerly, so blindly.
I’m seeing that it’s going to take way more than just our love for Drake to fall in love with each other; our favorite colors being purple; you living up the block or even miles away from me.
These guys think it’s so easy. They say all the pretty things- to me. The things that my gurls go “Ohhhhhh- ahhhhhhhhhhhh,” too, while I’m just sitting here like “Damn, why didn’t I even flinch at that?”
Am I bitter? or have I really just smartened up?
Real shit, I’m looking for that answer now because nobodies doing it for me at this moment in my life. I don’t care how good looking you are son, how fly you dress- if there’s no substance to what we tryna do, if you’re not a man of your word, if you think that the dick will keep me around- then we’re obviously not here for the same thing, now are we?
Because if I wanted that- I could walk up the block to Baisley Projects & Boom Bang POW- there will be my Mr. Right.
But, that’s not what I want. It’s not what I crave for. I’m looking for that best friend type, beautiful foundation turned romance. Nobody wants to dig deep, just scratching the surface is enough for ya’ll.
And all in all, why the rush? Where we going?
Not me, no rush. Not today, & not tomorrow.
Biggie said, “Only make moves when your heart’s in it.”
And I’m taking that advice with everything I do in this life.
Wise man he was.
-Millzy.
Help me get past the things that haunt my mind at this dark hour. As I lie in this bed, all these thoughts are going back & forth- through my body, around the crown of my head. The visions in my brain so are bright, so vivid that they’re shining through my eyes unto my black walls like that of a….. projector. This huge projector, like the ones they used in the auditorium where I met most of my childhood friends, most that perished into dust- into the world of nothingness, covering all 4 walls, just glowing in all of this darkness. Help me find myself through others, learn more rather than turning my back to the truth, because of stupid fear. Let my love conquer all & let my heart be seen as heard & above all, felt.
I just want the best for everyone. I once read that no matter how hard we try to make things happen, if they aren’t meant to be, they won’t. Which scares the fuck crap out of me because what if what I really want doesn’t come to life? Do I cry about it or look at it as a blessing because there’s obviously another plan at hand?
All in all, God, please don’t let me be misunderstood though we all are all the time. My boy Boogz said, ” Yo ma, why cry over spilt milk? Just pour another glass.”
Oh God, why is he so right?!
My ex told me that tears are prayers when we can’t find our voice/words. And that right there is one thing he was right about.
Ugh. Show me the way, I’m all yours.
-Love, Jamila.
